This is Earth, Not Heaven

I was reminded tonight of a difficult, yet valuable truth. I've been a little down lately. Sometimes, work is crappy and coworkers are crabby. Sometimes, we have to say "goodbye" to safety and comfort and step out into the "real world." Sometimes, we have to let go of people and things that we hold dear and trust the wisdom of our all-knowing God. Life isn't going to be perfect. This is earth, not Heaven. I will feel uncertainty and discontentment and longing. There will be times when joy is illusive and all that seems to linger is a pervading sadness. This is earth, not Heaven. This isn't my home. I don't belong here. If I were to be completely happy on earth, there would be no need for Heaven. The purpose of this God-given turmoil called discontentment is that I may seek my true contentment and peace in God alone.

Peace

After two weeks of agonizing over my decision regarding N., I finally feel at peace. We discovered that we're at different stages in our lives, with different goals and callings, and that this is not the time to pursue anything further. I am thankful that the Lord has finally made this clear to us. To those of you who have been praying, thanks. God may not always give us answers when we want them, but He is always faithful.

Yesterday

"Hello, good mornin', how ya been?
Yesterday left my head kicked in.
I never, never thought
That I would fall like that
Never knew that I could hurt this bad...."
(Switchfoot)

Yesterday, I let go of something - someone - I hold dear. The past couple of weeks, my heart hadn't been at peace concerning my relationship with N. I keep being drawn back to the calling that the Lord has placed on my life...and I knew N. didn't share the same calling. So, last night, we made the choice. As they say, "breaking up is hard to do." What an understatement! It SUCKS! I can't pinpoint the last time I cried so hard I ached. In my heart, I know this was right. But, right now, I can't help second-guessing myself. I can't help wondering if I "heard" the Lord right, if I made this decision too hastily, if I will ever fully "get over" this. My relationship with N. was truly a blessing and his gracious acceptance of what I had to say last night overwhelmed me. (Why couldn't he have been a jerk about it?! It would have made things so much easier! Smile....)

Lord, we are broken and deeply in need of Your healing. Please use this time to continue to shape us into the vessels You can use. Thank You for N. and the time we've shared together. Please encourage our hearts....

Please Pray

Tonight as I prepare for what I hope will be a restful night of sleep, little Hudson is fighting a high fever, undoubtedly a side effect of the chemo. His white blood cell count has also dropped. Please pray....