Learning to Embrace Disappointment

I'm attending a women's Bible study through my church. We're going through a book by Kay Arthur called As Silver Refined. Tonight was our second meeting and I didn't really feel like going. I had a headache most of the afternoon, I was tired, and all I really wanted to do was go home, eat some dinner, relax, and go to bed. I knew immediately, though, that the devil was trying to convince me not to go. So, I took my Advil and went. What a precious time! I'm not entirely sure why, but I was teary-eyed through most of the study. I hardly know these people! But as I listened to some of their stories and struggles, and thought of my own and the difficulties in the lives of people I love, I was touched. I feel like I'm going through a stage of disappointment with life right now. My 2 month-old job has failed to meet my expectations. My relationship with N. - which I thought for a time would be the fulfillment of my hopes and dreams for love - proved to be a good thing at the wrong time. Tonight, though, one of the ladies pointed out something in Scripture that really jumped out at me. Here's the passage:

"In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith - of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire - may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen Him, you love Him; and even though you do not see Him now, you believe in Him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls" (1 Peter 1:6-9).

In Scriptures such as these, I've tended to look at the end result: trials come to strengthen my faith. But, as one of the ladies pointed out tonight, it's OK to grieve through our trials (vs. 6). It's OK to "feel the burn" (to use a corny expression) of this refining fire. As we allow ourselves to experience the pain, to question, to grieve, we recognize that we cannot understand the "why" of our trials and we are driven to the One who alone can bring peace and comfort in the midst of them.

As I experience some of these disappointments in my life, I am faced with a decision. Will I become discouraged and spiritually fatigued? Or will I surrender this time to the Lord? I know He desires to refine me and make me more like Him through the difficult times of my life. He sees the entire scope of my life story while I see only the present chapter. He is sovereign. He is loving. He is just. And He desires what is good for me, "the goal of my faith, the salvation of my soul."

Burnin'....

I visited my parents in Montana over Labor Day weekend. In the evenings, after dark, my cousin Shawn and I would stand outside and watch the glow of the forest fire burning high atop the mountains - our most-beloved mountains. A local resident snapped this picture on an especially spectacular night. Its been so hot this summer that the trees, dry from the heat, are consumed by the flames.

I've had my moments of "dryness" lately, too. I imagine this is part of the refining process that God allows all of us to experience. He waits to see if we will turn our hearts toward Him or become more self-absorbed. As I was contemplating my current journey through somewhat of a spiritual drought, I thought about the following song....

I'm burnin', yeah I'm burnin'
And I know I'm gonna blister in these flames
But I'll stay here 'till this smoke clears
And I'll find You in the ashes that remain

(Words by Nichole Nordeman)

Lord, may I reach an oasis in the midst of this wilderness and find that You have been my Living Water.