Yesterday....

I wanted to update you all on Dan, the young man I asked you to pray for in my last post. Yesterday morning around 10am Montana time, Dan passed away. Please continue to pray for his family, friends, and the entire Whitworth community as they deal with this loss and grapple with the reality of a "life cut short." Pray that this will result in a movement toward greater intimacy with Christ among those affected by this tragedy.

May God receive all the glory due Him, for His way is perfect.

Urgent Prayer Request!

My housemate's brother and 4 of his buddies (all college freshmen) were in a very serious accident in the early hours of yesterday morning. Two of them (including her brother) were able to walk away from the crash virtually unharmed. Two others were treated for significant injuries but have been released. The fifth remains in the hospital in critical condition. He sustained a broken shoulder blade, two broken legs, and a fractured vertebra in his neck. Tonight, we received an update that he has taken a turn for the worse. His brain is swelling and a CT scan revealed no brain activity. Please pray for this young man, his family, and the other boys and their families, as well as the entire Whitworth community. Our God is more than able to work a miracle in this tragic situation.

Pray for Wholeness

I learned this morning of a couple, Aaron and Harriet, who are expecting
twins. They had an ultrasound that revealed that one of the twins only has
half a skull. Please join me in praying that the Lord will make this baby
whole and protect mom and babies during pregnancy!!

A New Blog

Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to direct your attention to the latest and greatest addition to my blogging repertoire. This is a page specifically focused on providing information about conception, contraception, and childbirth. Please visit pre-conceivednotions.blogspot.com and let me know what you think. It's still in the "skeleton" phase (as in, there's not much there yet) but there are some great links to information that I hope you'll check out. Enjoy!

New Birth

A lot has happened since I last posted. I can honestly say that I'm so glad I didn't get the job I applied for! All of these closed doors recently have been directly from the Lord's hand and I am so confident in the direction He is leading me now. I'm on the path to becoming a doula!

This journey all started about 2 years ago when my friend Holly and I took a class on Natural Family Planning at a local hospital. Through the class, I met a wonderful gal named Sharon who introduced me to the concept of the doula. For those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, the term doula is a Greek word meaning "woman's servant." A doula is a trained labor companion, someone who supports an expectant mother physically and emotionally throughout labor and delivery. The decision to pursue this path has been a long time coming, even further back than 2 years, I think. But, I'm finally venturing out. I've ordered business cards, set up my business email account, and purchased a "uniform" (scrubs, essentially) and other supplies for my new occupation. And now, as of this past Friday, I've experienced 2 births, thanks to Sharon and her wonderful client. (It was the first 100% natural, un-medicated birth that I'd been to and it was AMAZING!!)

This weekend, I'm heading to Montana to attend a 3-day intensive doula training. In the weeks that follow, I will be reading more books about childbirth, breastfeeding, and related topics than I care to think about at this point! Needless to say, certain female anatomical parts are becoming a regular part of my vernacular! Smile.

Thank you to everyone who's been praying for me, for the Lord's guidance in my life. Please keep it up. And those of you living in the Spokane area, I'll be needing clients so pass the word!

Halfway There

I received some disappointing news this past Saturday. A letter arrived in the mail notifying me that a job I had interviewed for was offered to someone else. Needless to say, my weekend was a bit of a "downer." I was really excited for this job and felt I was well-qualified for the position. Now, I seem to be back to square one. At least I'm halfway to my goal. I'm loving my new job at Kingdom Kids and just knowing I get to spend my afternoons there makes heading to work in the mornings more bearable. I don't have much for leads for another part-time job to replace my morning job. In my eagerness to be moving on, I've wondered if should just take some random job that I'm not really excited about. I can't help feeling, in my heart, that it's time to be done with work for which I have no passion. I've watched people who have stayed in jobs for decades - jobs they hate - and are completely miserable. That's not for me. Mind you, I'm not looking for some glamorous job that pays $25 an hour (although that would be nice...smile). I simply want to work in an environment that fosters spiritual growth and allows me to openly pursue the passions that are close to my heart.

I keep coming back to the whole doula thing. I'd love to provide support for women in labor and, in so doing, contribute to the pro-life cause that is so important to me. I haven't the slightest idea what all goes into running a business and building clientel. And I can't expect to have enough clients right off the bat to provide the financial support I would need. I'd appreciate your prayer about this...and I'll keep you posted.

When God Moves, He Moves Quick!

It's been over a month since my employer and I made the mutual decision that I should start looking for other work. It's been a slow process and incredibly stressful for me (especially on top of looking for housing). My Mom (the wise woman that she is) has been encouraging me that everything will just suddenly fall into place. Well, this week has already been a whirlwind of change and it's only Wednesday! Monday, I talked with a prospective employer and was offered a part-time position - with the stipulation that she needed to know my answer the next day! Initially, I thought there was absolutely no way that it would work and I was prepared to turn down the offer (in spite of the fact that I really want this job!). After talking with my current employer, however, it was arranged for me to cut my hours back to part-time thereby enabling me to take this other job. My first day is today. I will continue working at my other job until I find another part-time job to supplement my new work. And I already have an interview lined up tomorrow! God is truly never early, never late.

My new job is working for a great organization called Kingdom Kids Adoption Ministries. They have several ministries including the African Widows and Orphans Project (AWOP), which provides meals, hospice care, and other services to African widows and orphans (hence the name!). In addition, KKAM's primary focus is in working with adoptive families through fundraising strategies, pre-adoption training, and post-adoption support. I'm really excited to be part of this ministry and to finally be serving an organization that reflects my heart and convictions. I ask for your prayer that I will be a willing servant here and that the Lord will provide the other work I need. I'll keep you posted!

Am I Who I Want to Be?

Over the past couple of days, it seems every time I turn on the radio, I hear the same song. Switchfoot has been playing in my ear the same theme: "This is your life. Are you who you wanna be?"

I thought seriously about that question on my drive home from work tonight. I can safely say sometimes that I'm not where I want to be or doing what I want to be doing. But am I who I want to be? I think I can honestly say, "yes." Sure, there are days I wonder, and there are unfulfilled dreams in my heart. Marriage, motherhood, missions, a career in healthcare. These things may add to who I am, but they can't define me. I am a child of God, and in my deepest heart, I know that He is pleased with me. I'm not perfect and I must constantly strive for more of Jesus. But I am who I want to be...because I am His. Nothing can diminish this identity. Circumstances may sometimes cloud my view, but truth remains. I am His. That really is enough.

Lord, may I drink deeply of You and be satisfied.

Just in case you've never heard of them....

Dancin'

My parents came over this weekend and we went to a performance of Riverdance. This is the second time I've seen then perform live and I'm still amazed that any person can be capable of moving that quickly. And then the fiddler. I'm entirely jealous. About the fastest piece of music I can play semi-well is "Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring," and that's only if I slow it down. (I suppose the fact that I haven't touched my violin in...months...has something to do with it.) I hope those people realize what a gift they've been given...and Who gave it. It's amazing.

Sightings

They say Spring isn't far behind when the robins return. Well, today I saw one. He flew past me and landed in the tree in the courtyard outside my office. Although the below-freezing temperatures don't make warmer weather seem very imminent, a new season is on its way! (Hmmm...perhaps this is indicative of more than just the atmosphere.)

Got Snow?

I thought you all might like to see the Winter Wonderland that is Spokane. I took these pictures of my backyard this morning.

Snow cones, anyone?

For Sale

Over Christmas, our landlord stopped in out-of-the-blue. Sadly, he is planning to sell our house in early summer. So, we will soon be homeless. I'm trying not to worry about it too much...but it's not working very well! I know the Lord is preparing a place for me and that this comes as no surprise to Him. I really wish He'd let me in on His plans! Please pray for me (as well as my housemates) that the Lord will open just the right door...literally...and that He will take care of all the financial "stuff" that this potentially brings with it. (And, for those of you in the Spokane area, keep your eyes peeled and let me know if you see any housing possibilities!)

Missing the Celebration

Since I've been back to work after spending time with my parents for Christmas, I've asked many of our patients if they had a good Christmas. Some responded with, "Did Santa get you everything you wanted for Christmas?" To which I've responded, "Yes, my parents did a great job!" One patient in particular, however, told me that she doesn't celebrate Christmas. I almost didn't know what to say in reply. Not celebrate Christmas? How incredibly sad. She is truly missing out on the greatest celebration of all time. My prayer is that she will understand the Gift of grace that came to us in the form of a helpless baby. He is truly cause for celebration!

A college friend captured well this momentous birth that we celebrate in his blog posting from Christmas Day. Please read it...and be blessed.

It's "Christmas," Not "Holidays"

A surprising number of people have wished me a "Merry Christmas" this year. More than I expected. I was bracing myself for a stream of "Happy Holidays" well wishers but have only heard that dreaded phrase a handful of times. (Of course, I've deliberately - and unabashedly - been wishing every Tom, Dick, and Harry a "Merry Christmas.")

Last I knew, the holy day that falls on December 25th every year was called "Christmas," not "Holiday." Sure, people are trying to encompass New Years and sometimes Thanksgiving into the "Happy Holidays" phrase, but seriously. Get over it, people! It's about JESUS!!!!!!! And, like it or not, I will continue to affirm this truth in the exuberant "Merry Christmas" that I wish everyone who passes through my office door.

For me, the choice to say "Christmas" instead of "Holidays" is a tangible way to show that "I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes" (Romans 1:16).

Moving in....

I am happy to announce that I have finally moved in! The boxes that have crowded my room since I actually moved in have now found a home amongst the rest of my belongings in the garage. The last of my pictures have finally made it onto my bare walls, too. It's only been nearly 6 months. Smile.

"Discipleship Means Joy"

"And if we answer the call to discipleship, where will it lead us? What decisions and partings will it demand? To answer this question we shall have to go to Him, for only He knows the answer. Only Jesus Christ, who bids us follow Him, knows the journey's end. But we do know that it will be a road of boundless mercy. Discipleship means joy."

~Dietrich Bonhoeffer, The Cost of Discipleship

I confess I have not felt incredibly joyful through many of the events of this year. Although I know that true joy is not based on circumstances, I find it difficult to "rejoice always" (Philippians 4:4). How do I rejoice when a child dies or a marriage is broken apart? As I read the above quote last night, I was reminded that Christ's mercy is my reason for rejoicing. He alone knows every twist and turn along this journey of discipleship. Who better to understand than God Himself what it means to lose a child? Who better to understand the wounded heart of a broken marriage than Christ the Bridegroom who has, time after time, watched His Bride play the harlot and forsake her true Love? He knows our weaknesses. He knows how easily we want to give up when the road becomes too rocky or the hills too steep. Still, He is "gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love" (Psalm 145:8).

Wondering

So, I feel like it's been eons since I last wrote. I guess it has been over a month! The events of this summer seem to finally be catching up with me. Currently, I am finding the greatest joy from days that require me to do nothing. I still have yet to finish moving in. There are still boxes cluttering my bedroom floor and piles of stuff in the garage.

Right now, I feel like I'm in a bit of a dry place. I am torn between so many things I want to be doing - perhaps more schooling, missions, training to be a birth assistant - and don't seem to have a clear direction from the Lord regarding any of them. I've been passionate about missions but am finding that the idea of long-term overseas ministry is unappealing. I've been struggling with whether this is my own fleshly desires getting in the way or if it's really the Lord saying "no" to "career missions." I also deeply desire to be involved in healthcare in some way, and I particularly love the idea of working with women during childbirth. There is also the option of additional schooling, whether in theology and biblical studies, or the medical field.

There are so many things that I want to "dabble" in, yet I find myself distrustful of my ability to hear God. Perhaps these feelings I have are God's way of speaking to me. If only I knew. Perhaps I'm looking at too big of a picture. Maybe my focus shouldn't be on the next 40 years but on what God wants me to be doing now, short-term.

A recurring theme spiritually this week has been "Be still and know that I am God." In church on Sunday, we were encouraged to sit quietly for a few minutes and listen. I was reluctant. OK, God, I'll sit here and listen, even though I never hear You. Then I began to recite that verse - "Be still..." - over and over to myself. This was reiterated in the sermon and in Bible study last night. I know the Lord is asking me to be still. I just hope that He'll start speaking pretty soon!

An Angel Among Us

I wanted to share with you all this beautiful picture of Hudson taken just a few days before his passing. What a heavenly gift that such beauty should grace our lives, if only for a short time.

3 Weeks!

During my time in Montana for Hudson's funeral this past weekend, I spent a few hours with my friend A. and her baby daughter (the one whose birth I had the privilege to attend). Holding little Kayla was healing for me as I grieved over Hudson's death. To hold this little life in my arms was precious...and a gift. I can't believe she's already three weeks old! So much - too much - has happened since that eventful night when she made her entrance into the world. In a way, I'm feeling a little lost. I've been gone so much since I moved into my new home that I feel unsettled still. There are half-empty boxes in my room and an apartment worth of stuff in our garage. I'm waiting and hoping that life will calm down a bit so I can catch up. But the end still seems a ways away....