Baby, It's Cold Outside!

It's cold here in Washington...the kind of cold that numbs your throat and freezes your nose hairs when you breathe. I don't mind it, though. The cold means that our snow will stick around a while. Smile.

I have a lot to be thankful for this Thanksgiving season. The Lord kept me and my parents safe driving over passes in this wintry weather and, in spite of the fact that my parents hit a massively-huge bull elk on their way home on Sunday (well, technically, he hit them...but he didn't have insurance), they themselves are home safe and sound.

Yesterday proved to bring an answer to my prayers (and cries!) regarding work. I was offered a job working for a physical therapy office that I worked at previously. Some significant changes are taking place there that should prove to make it a much better place to work than before. I'm so looking forward to being in a more supportive environment working with people who love and appreciate me and who I consider to be friends. Ironically - yet certainly known by God ahead of time - I received a nasty letter from my current employer today (after I had already given my notice) which merely cemented my decision to resign. God's timing is definitely good.

On a much less happy note....our sweet boy Hudson is not doing well. In talking with my Mom today, she said he is physically the worst he's been since this whole ordeal began. Please pray that our faithful Father will have His will in Hudson's life.

Congrats to My AWESOME Bro-in-law!!!!

My fabulous brother-in-law is officially a lawyer in the State of Texas!! Here's a picture of my bro and sis outside the capitol in Austin. Ya'll look smashing! :D

A Little Ranting is in Order

For the past half hour or so, I've been perusing the blog of an individual who, at one time, I would have considered a friend. I don't know why I torture myself with that rubbish! Every time, I come away with a sour taste in my mouth and sorrow in my heart (not to mention blood boiling in my veins!). He has strayed so far from the truth and seems more interested in getting a rise out of people than in being an example for Christ. To him, I am a "fundie" - a fundamentalist. Fundamental? You better believe it!!! Of course I don't mean this in a "let's go drink poison because God will protect us" sort of way. I believe in the fundamental, foundational Truth of the Word of God. Nothing more, nothing less. I will not apologize for being "narrow-minded," exclusive, and absolute. Laugh if you will. Mock me and label me. But I refuse to tolerate and entertain that which is contrary to or outside of Scripture. Sure, I'm a "fundie." And proud of it!!!

A Tangled Tapestry

Tonight I read this week's chapter for the women's Bible study I attend. The book is called "As Silver Refined" by Kay Arthur. May these words minister to you as they have to me....

"In His love and faithfulness and righteousness He weaves the events and circumstances of our lives like silk in a tapestry. If you look only at the back side of a tapestry, you see only a tangle of threads. That often seems like all we can see in our lives - a tangle of trials. But now and then God lifts us up so we can peek over the top. 'Let Me show you what I'm doing,' He tells us, and we get a glimpse of the beautiful design He's making, in which the dark threads give dimension and needed contrast to the light.

This is our God who rules over all. This is the One who sits on the throne.

Therefore when tragedy and pain come our way, beloved, the only place to hide and rest secure is in the sovereignty of God.

Rest, beloved, rest. Your Father is in control. He will not leave His throne."

Stirrups Are For Saddles

I never thought I'd see the day...no, I take that back...I hoped I would never see the day when stirrup pants would once again make a comeback. Yup. I saw them yesterday at the mall. Stirrup pants were a bad idea the first time around. And now they're back! The sight of them conjures up scary images of me with braces, big glasses, and permed bangs. Yeah...scary.

Waging War

I'm in the thick of battle in my life right now. It's hard to remember that my fight is not against flesh and blood, but against our enemy, the devil. It's especially difficult when some people in my life - one in particular right now - seem bent on beating me down.

I'm listening to a CD right now by Shane Bernard and Shane Everett. I haven't spent much time listening to music lately. It seems the things I need in my life the most at times such as this - music and friends - are the very things I draw away from. Ironic, isn't it? Especially since through music, I feel closer to and comforted by the Lord....

One of the songs I was listening to this afternoon is called "Waging War:"

It haunts me so, this gloomy weight
That comes and goes, without a trace
A thousand times my flesh embrace
A thousand more but if for grace

When battle lines become unclear
And the waging war is all I hear
Lord, sustain me with Your voice
And the choice to walk in truth

To see the Lord, the promise land
Where in all sin's pearly gates look bland
And what was once a pearl, now sand
That blows away in light of Him

Blow away, O waging war of sin....

I too often take lightly this war we're in. Sometimes, I go into battle without all my armor or I find myself fighting the wrong enemy. I need help. I need prayer. I need Jesus.

Stuart Townend

At church yesterday, we sang an amazing song by Stuart Townend called "O My Soul, Arise and Bless Your Maker." (For those of you who aren't familiar with his music, I encourage you to check it out! He's an incredible song writer!) Due to copyright reasons, I can't post all the lyrics here, but please visit this link to read the words. On the left of the screen you'll find a box that says "Downloadable Praise and Worship Sheet Music." Search by song title under "Quick Find." You'll be blessed!

Learning to Embrace Disappointment

I'm attending a women's Bible study through my church. We're going through a book by Kay Arthur called As Silver Refined. Tonight was our second meeting and I didn't really feel like going. I had a headache most of the afternoon, I was tired, and all I really wanted to do was go home, eat some dinner, relax, and go to bed. I knew immediately, though, that the devil was trying to convince me not to go. So, I took my Advil and went. What a precious time! I'm not entirely sure why, but I was teary-eyed through most of the study. I hardly know these people! But as I listened to some of their stories and struggles, and thought of my own and the difficulties in the lives of people I love, I was touched. I feel like I'm going through a stage of disappointment with life right now. My 2 month-old job has failed to meet my expectations. My relationship with N. - which I thought for a time would be the fulfillment of my hopes and dreams for love - proved to be a good thing at the wrong time. Tonight, though, one of the ladies pointed out something in Scripture that really jumped out at me. Here's the passage:

"In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith - of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire - may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen Him, you love Him; and even though you do not see Him now, you believe in Him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls" (1 Peter 1:6-9).

In Scriptures such as these, I've tended to look at the end result: trials come to strengthen my faith. But, as one of the ladies pointed out tonight, it's OK to grieve through our trials (vs. 6). It's OK to "feel the burn" (to use a corny expression) of this refining fire. As we allow ourselves to experience the pain, to question, to grieve, we recognize that we cannot understand the "why" of our trials and we are driven to the One who alone can bring peace and comfort in the midst of them.

As I experience some of these disappointments in my life, I am faced with a decision. Will I become discouraged and spiritually fatigued? Or will I surrender this time to the Lord? I know He desires to refine me and make me more like Him through the difficult times of my life. He sees the entire scope of my life story while I see only the present chapter. He is sovereign. He is loving. He is just. And He desires what is good for me, "the goal of my faith, the salvation of my soul."

Burnin'....

I visited my parents in Montana over Labor Day weekend. In the evenings, after dark, my cousin Shawn and I would stand outside and watch the glow of the forest fire burning high atop the mountains - our most-beloved mountains. A local resident snapped this picture on an especially spectacular night. Its been so hot this summer that the trees, dry from the heat, are consumed by the flames.

I've had my moments of "dryness" lately, too. I imagine this is part of the refining process that God allows all of us to experience. He waits to see if we will turn our hearts toward Him or become more self-absorbed. As I was contemplating my current journey through somewhat of a spiritual drought, I thought about the following song....

I'm burnin', yeah I'm burnin'
And I know I'm gonna blister in these flames
But I'll stay here 'till this smoke clears
And I'll find You in the ashes that remain

(Words by Nichole Nordeman)

Lord, may I reach an oasis in the midst of this wilderness and find that You have been my Living Water.

This is Earth, Not Heaven

I was reminded tonight of a difficult, yet valuable truth. I've been a little down lately. Sometimes, work is crappy and coworkers are crabby. Sometimes, we have to say "goodbye" to safety and comfort and step out into the "real world." Sometimes, we have to let go of people and things that we hold dear and trust the wisdom of our all-knowing God. Life isn't going to be perfect. This is earth, not Heaven. I will feel uncertainty and discontentment and longing. There will be times when joy is illusive and all that seems to linger is a pervading sadness. This is earth, not Heaven. This isn't my home. I don't belong here. If I were to be completely happy on earth, there would be no need for Heaven. The purpose of this God-given turmoil called discontentment is that I may seek my true contentment and peace in God alone.

Peace

After two weeks of agonizing over my decision regarding N., I finally feel at peace. We discovered that we're at different stages in our lives, with different goals and callings, and that this is not the time to pursue anything further. I am thankful that the Lord has finally made this clear to us. To those of you who have been praying, thanks. God may not always give us answers when we want them, but He is always faithful.

Yesterday

"Hello, good mornin', how ya been?
Yesterday left my head kicked in.
I never, never thought
That I would fall like that
Never knew that I could hurt this bad...."
(Switchfoot)

Yesterday, I let go of something - someone - I hold dear. The past couple of weeks, my heart hadn't been at peace concerning my relationship with N. I keep being drawn back to the calling that the Lord has placed on my life...and I knew N. didn't share the same calling. So, last night, we made the choice. As they say, "breaking up is hard to do." What an understatement! It SUCKS! I can't pinpoint the last time I cried so hard I ached. In my heart, I know this was right. But, right now, I can't help second-guessing myself. I can't help wondering if I "heard" the Lord right, if I made this decision too hastily, if I will ever fully "get over" this. My relationship with N. was truly a blessing and his gracious acceptance of what I had to say last night overwhelmed me. (Why couldn't he have been a jerk about it?! It would have made things so much easier! Smile....)

Lord, we are broken and deeply in need of Your healing. Please use this time to continue to shape us into the vessels You can use. Thank You for N. and the time we've shared together. Please encourage our hearts....

Please Pray

Tonight as I prepare for what I hope will be a restful night of sleep, little Hudson is fighting a high fever, undoubtedly a side effect of the chemo. His white blood cell count has also dropped. Please pray....

A Picture's Worth....

To all of you who have been carrying little Hudson and his family to Jesus in prayer, may this precious picture encourage your continued faithfulness to lift them up. He will soon begin six months of intensive chemotherapy and radiation treatments to attempt to kill what remains of the tumor. More than ever, Hudson and his family need the love and prayers of the body of Christ.

Happy Birthday, Hudson!

Tomorrow is little Hudson's first birthday. His brothers and Grandpa and Grandma will be heading over to Seattle to celebrate with him. He's too little to understanding everything that's been happening lately. Last week, Hudson underwent 6 hours of surgery to partially remove the tumor at the base of his skull. Parts of the tumor could not be removed because it is intertwined with the nerves in his face. Gradually, little Hudson has regained some normal functions, though he's not out of danger yet. His tumor is a rare cancer and he will likely undergo chemotherapy treatments to destroy what remains of the tumor.

It's difficult not to be fearful. I know I can trust God and that He has plans for Hudson of which we are not aware. Still, His plans are unseen and we are left in our frailty to trust Him. There is always hope (as my sweet boyfriend has reminded me).

Please continue to carry Hudson and his family to Jesus. You may also check out the online journal Hudson's Mom has been keeping. Follow the link provided and click visit. Then, under site name, enter hudsontaylor. You will be blessed.

"The Lord Gives....

...and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord."

It is sometimes difficult to trust in the sovereignty of God when His little ones suffer. Tomorrow, little H. - who is not quite a year old - will be having surgery in Seattle to remove a cancerous tumor from the base of his skull. This will likely be followed by chemotherapy treatments and many days of uncertainty and pain for him and his family. Please keep them all in your prayers.

C.S. Lewis wrote that "pain is God's megaphone to rouse a deaf world." Lord, we're listening. You don't need to shout anymore! Please teach us what we need to learn through this....

Freedom

Tuesday, Americans across the country celebrated our independence. To mark my own patriotism, I spent the evening with my friend A. with plans to watch fireworks. As we waited for darkness to come, we watched a film called Invisible Children, the tragic true story of children in Uganda who are abducted and forced to join a rebel army. Most of the children are between the ages of 6 and 12 and they are exposed to some of the most gruesome experiences imaginable. They are threatened with abuse and death if they do not fight and kill and they live in daily fear for their lives.

As A. and I drove up the hill to watch the fireworks, I contemplated the absurdity of it. Americans spent thousands of dollars that literally goes up in smoke to celebrate the freedom we so easily take for granted, while the Ugandan children celebrate and thank God for surviving one more day.

The suffering in Uganda, Sudan, and other parts of the world should, at the very least, make us pause and think. What part should we as Christians be playing? Is there more that we can do in addition to praying? Is there more that our government should be doing? I remember reading a sign at Dachau concentration camp in Germany that read, "Never again." Many nations vowed that they would not let another Holocaust take place. So, what about Uganda? What about Sudan? What about Rwanda? What am I going to do about it?

Loving Father, if my heart is burdened by this suffering, how much more must Your heart break? I am reminded that the religion You accept "as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world" (James 1:27). Please envelop these innocent ones in Your healing arms and may they find their hope and freedom in Your salvation.

"So Long, Farewell, Auf Wiedersehen, Good-bye"

I hate this part of life, saying "goodbye." Although I'm looking forward to my new job, there are so many wonderful coworkers and patients that I'll be leaving behind. Today, I got a call at work from one particular patient who has been around WPT about as long as I have. He's an older man and I don't know how much longer he'll be here. And sadly, he doesn't know Jesus.

I hope that all those who have come through these doors during the past year have seen something different in me. I hope I have been a testimony of the love of Christ. I may never know until Heaven.

Ahhh...Heaven. I'm so thankful there will be no "goodbyes" there. There will be many tears, I'm sure. I can't imagine not crying when I finally get to see loved ones and friends who have gone ahead of me. And Jesus...I can't imagine being able to even say a word when I finally see Him for myself. But, oh, what a Day that will be!!!

HALLELUJAH!!!

I got the job!!! Thank You, Jesus!

Looking Up

Last night, my friend H. and I spent some time praying together about our frustrations at work...and mostly, we prayed for those at work who irritate us the most. It totally went against our flesh; we just wanted to gripe about the situation and talk about how much we dislike these people. But, we felt convicted to pray...so we did.

I can't help but think that it is because of our obedience that God brought a new possibility into my circumstances today. A couple months ago, I heard through a friend that a local clinic was hiring. I called only to find that they had already filled the position. They took down my name and said they'd call if something opened up. Well, this morning they called...and I have an interview set for tomorrow morning at 9:30!

Even if nothing comes of this, I know that this is a gentle reminder from the Lord that He takes care of His children. I've known His faithfulness in the past, but life has a way of clouding my memory. It's much easier to look at the high waves and rough seas instead of trusting that I can walk on the water toward my awaiting Savior. Thankfully, He is still there to lift me up again even when I start to sink.