"So Long, Farewell, Auf Wiedersehen, Good-bye"

I hate this part of life, saying "goodbye." Although I'm looking forward to my new job, there are so many wonderful coworkers and patients that I'll be leaving behind. Today, I got a call at work from one particular patient who has been around WPT about as long as I have. He's an older man and I don't know how much longer he'll be here. And sadly, he doesn't know Jesus.

I hope that all those who have come through these doors during the past year have seen something different in me. I hope I have been a testimony of the love of Christ. I may never know until Heaven.

Ahhh...Heaven. I'm so thankful there will be no "goodbyes" there. There will be many tears, I'm sure. I can't imagine not crying when I finally get to see loved ones and friends who have gone ahead of me. And Jesus...I can't imagine being able to even say a word when I finally see Him for myself. But, oh, what a Day that will be!!!

HALLELUJAH!!!

I got the job!!! Thank You, Jesus!

Looking Up

Last night, my friend H. and I spent some time praying together about our frustrations at work...and mostly, we prayed for those at work who irritate us the most. It totally went against our flesh; we just wanted to gripe about the situation and talk about how much we dislike these people. But, we felt convicted to pray...so we did.

I can't help but think that it is because of our obedience that God brought a new possibility into my circumstances today. A couple months ago, I heard through a friend that a local clinic was hiring. I called only to find that they had already filled the position. They took down my name and said they'd call if something opened up. Well, this morning they called...and I have an interview set for tomorrow morning at 9:30!

Even if nothing comes of this, I know that this is a gentle reminder from the Lord that He takes care of His children. I've known His faithfulness in the past, but life has a way of clouding my memory. It's much easier to look at the high waves and rough seas instead of trusting that I can walk on the water toward my awaiting Savior. Thankfully, He is still there to lift me up again even when I start to sink.

Disappointment

Today I finally heard back regarding the job I applied for at my alma mater. To say that I am disappointed is a bit of an understatement, especially considering the kind of day I had at work today. Everyone keeps telling me that God has something better in mind for me. I know this is true but, dang it, can't I just get a little sympathy? Can't I just vent my frustrations without someone preaching to me? I know that sounds terrible and I'm sure eventually I'll look back and see how God's hand has been in this mess all along. It's just so hard to feel utterly and completely stuck here. If it wasn't for the fact that I have to buy groceries and pay the bills, I would walk out of here without a second thought. Good riddance!

Sigh. I feel guilty even feeling this way (which just compounds the fact that I already feel crappy!). I work with some awesome people who have become more than just coworkers to me, but friends. I'm just so tired of having to act happy all day and bite my tongue every time someone asks me how I'm doing (I can't just spill my guts to every patient that comes through!).

Andrew Peterson said it well when he wrote the song, "Faith to be Strong:"

Give us faith to be strong, give us strength to be faithful.
'Cuz life is not long, but it's hard.
Give us grace to go on, make us willing and able.
Lord, give us faith to be strong.

Jesus, I need You so much right now! Please remind me that You are near, right here beside me, ready to carry me if I will just surrender to You.

Officially....

Yesterday, I finally received my diploma in the mail. It's amazing how quickly the past 4+ years have flown by and yet I can't help thinking, "It's about time!" It's amazing to think that this is something I did. I took the classes, worked hard, got the grades. Of course, I couldn't have done it without the support of my awesome parents (Thanks Mom and Dad!) and the love of my sister and friends. I am so grateful that the Lord provided this opportunity for me, not just to learn for the sake of earning a degree, but to grow in my faith and discover more in-depth what it means to follow Christ. Mine is a life truly blessed.

The Love Bug....

It's amazing how quickly life can change. Two weeks ago, I saw a friend I had worked with last summer and, after hanging out several times since, we are officially dating! I am quickly discovering that this is such an incredibly crazy stage of life, especially having never been in a relationship before and not really having a clue what I'm doing! I've been told that relationships just kind of happen, which is both scary and reassuring.

This has made me think about what it means to be loved by God and how we are to exemplify His love for us by our love for one another. My greatest desire for N. and I is that God will be glorified and that this experience will be mutually edifying, "as iron sharpens iron."

Great is His Faithfulness

To all who have been praying for my Grandpa, thank you! He came through the surgery well and is expected to make a full recovery. God is ever faithful.

Request for Prayers

As I write this, my Grandpa is in surgery. Doctors are working to remove a blockage in his carotid artery and restore normal blood flow to his brain. Please pray....

I Will Trust

Will you let go? I'll trust You, Lord.
Will you stand on My Word? I'll trust You, Lord.
Against all odds will you believe what I have said? I'll trust You, Lord.
What seems impossible... I'll trust You, Lord.
Will you believe? I'll trust You, Lord.
Every promise that I made will you receive? Yes, I will trust You, Lord.

What if it hurts? I'll trust You, Lord.
What if you cry? I'll trust You, Lord.
What if it doesn't work out the first time that you try? I'll trust You, Lord.
What if you call My name... I'll trust You, Lord.
And you don't feel Me near? I'll trust You, Lord.
Will you believe in Me or will you fear? Oh, my child? Yes, I will trust You, Lord.

Words by Donnie McClurkin

When It Rains....

You know the old Morton Salt motto, "When it rains, it pours?" I feel like life has been like that lately, especially for my parents. My Dad's still trying to recover from his shoulder injury (which seems to be getting worse instead of better). Then, on top of being unemployed, both of my parents end up getting the flu! Good grief!

And then there's my job. Yesterday we couldn't afford to buy office supplies and this morning our telephones were briefly disconnected because we hadn't paid our bill. Our bookkeeper was let go and a number of my coworkers are ready to quit! Like wise ol' Morton said, "When it rains, it pours!"

I'm counting down the days - though there is no specific end in sight - to when I get to quit this job and move on to something better. I feel guilty, in a way, because I have developed wonderful relationships with some of my coworkers and I know some of those friendships will be severed when I leave. As our now-former bookkeeper put it, this loss of a coworker is like a death. We need time to mourn, so to speak, but instead we're expected to go on as normal (whatever that means!).

Well, I'm finished complaining...for now. I know God has a plan in all this and I've already seen His hand in some aspects. I just want results NOW! I don't want to wait! (I guess the Bible doesn't call it "waiting on the Lord" for nothing, right?)

The Workers are Few...but the Need is Great

Today I received a DVD in the mail from Greater Europe Mission, or GEM. Many people think of Europe as a Christianized continent - much like the United States - and so our money and energy are focused on spreading the Gospel to Africa, Asia, and South America. But, in many parts of Europe, less than 1% of the population are evangelical Christians.

As I watched this video, I found myself asking, "Where do I fit in this picture, God?" I want so much to be involved in something of such eternal importance. But, does a month here and a couple weeks there really make that much of a difference? I suppose if I only see one soul saved, it's worth it. Right now, all I need to know is when, where, and how.

More Than Enough

I debated whether to go to church this morning. I was running late and, being the stickler that I am when it comes to promptness, I hated the idea of walking in after the service had already started. But, I knew I needed to be there this morning, so I went.

After worship was over, I realized why I needed to go. We sang songs about finding our completeness in Christ and His being enough. "More than all I want, more than all I need. You are more than enough for me...." Lately, there are a lot of things I've been wanting: a house, a dog, a husband. I feel stuck where I am right now. At the same time I am longing for a home and a family of my own, I also want to be involved in ministry, particularly missions. Being a recent college graduate with my share of student loans, the likelihood of pursuing an overseas mission trip right now seems slim at best. Why does everything in life have to depend on money?! In my heart I know that God is greater than my financial needs and that He can accomplish the calling(s) he has placed on my life regardless of how much it may cost. Still, I feel trapped.

Tomorrow I'm hoping to turn in a resume for a job at my alma mater. Even though I'm excited to be working in such a great place (and get out of the mess I've been working in!), it's still not the sort of ministry that I've studied and longed for. I can't help but feel a bit jealous of some of my friends who can take a few months here and there to pursue ministry without hardly a thought about the financial aspect. In spite of the life I've been blessed with up to now, I can't help but wonder, "Why not me, God?"

Well, it's time to try writing a killer cover letter for my job application. To all who may read this, I ask that you please pray for me for God's direction and a greater sense of what it means to trust Him.